saki101

I've attempted a re-write. See if it helps.

The sheet was barely moving. John glimpsed the faint outline in the glass doors of the bookcases covering the wall by the door. They should both be asleep. John knew that better than Sherlock, of course. He was supposed to be the sensible one about eating and sleeping, tending to the demands of the body. Yes, well. There were other (demands), too long untended, as far as he knew anyway. He could have cast such an image for other reasons in the drear months now past, the lonely contours of a man who hadn’t adjusted to the absence of the body that brought him peace. Afterwards, tears (had) sometimes come. He (had) tried to be quiet, so Mrs Hudson wouldn’t hear if she were out in the hall. At those times, the sheet covering him would barely move at all.

Another possibility would be to remove the phrase, "as far as he knew anyway." It shifts John's thoughts from thinking about both he and Sherlock (they both need to eat and sleep, their bodies both have other needs), to just Sherlock (as far as John knows those needs were not being met by anyone else while Sherlock was away), and then the rest is John thinking about himself. To move from the two of them to just John is a smoother progression than to move from them both, to just Sherlock and then to just John.

I've been enjoying thinking about your speculations. Think I know which way I want to settle, but don't want to alight just yet! You're right, that once that is settled, more clues can be left here and there with confidence.