saki101

I love the rhythm of the structure in this chapter! The way you build tension in the first half is excellent; we are made to share Sherlock's impatience and longing. I like the change in the flow of time, after the pivotal memory of Sherlock and John's silent communication in 221B before TRF. Hey, I just noticed that the intimate memory is the stand-in for the sex (or cuddle?) they have once John falls unconscious. Excellent idea! I think your structural decisions help avoid the "sex rut" some fics seem to get into, while maintaining the tension and atmosphere that are central to the parts of this series.

A clever verbal turn here: "Sentiment. A chemical defect. Nothing solid remained of the chunk of roof sequestered in the room next to the morgue. The liquid had begun to evaporate, lacing the room with wisps of grimy fog. The chemical effect of John’s sentiment."

If I had to give a suggestion for this chapter, I would say that you might want to consider marking Sherlock's memory of his past interaction with John. It's a fabulous moment, but some readers might get confused (I'm not sure if I had to re-read this the first time I encountered it, but I can imagine a reader being tripped up at first). I don't know if italics would set it off correctly in the context of this story, as I see you use them to indicate a character's thoughts...

So, yes, I loved the structure here. I'm trying to find an apt metaphor: is it a meandering river, or a stream pool? It feels like time moves slowly, then speeds up, then slows near the end: spending the first half on one night in the library, with the pivotal memory shifting us past the end of that reunion. The reader is spun out into the racing current as a large chunk of time passes swiftly (indicated by the cycle of Sherlock's visits). Finally, the reader is caught in another "pool"; Sherlock and John move towards another of their reunions.

One last thing: I like the brevity of the sections that contain Sherlock's confessions to John in the second half of this shapter.